Reviews by Kyle Ellis

All reviews - Movies (990) - TV Shows (126) - DVDs (69) - Books (70) - Music (15) - Games (210)

Ralphie Parker

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 11:23 (A review of Ralphie Parker)

Film: A Christmas Story (1983)

Played by: Peter Billingsley

Distinguishing features: Blond mop of hair; glasses; tendency to daydream; deep and earnest desire to own an official Red Ryder air rifle.

Typical line: “No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!”

What to give him for Christmas: An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. Weren’t you listening?

Here’s a tribute to human hope and endurance in the face of overwhelming opposition that rivals The Shawshank Redemption. Set in the 1940s, young dreamer Ralphie is set on one thing: getting an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle! for Christmas. Nothing else matters to him, and he day-dreams increasingly elaborate scenarios that will get him his prize. Sure, everyone tells him that “you’ll shoot your eye out” – Ralphie keeps believing, just as he waits breathlessly for the arrival of his Orphan Annie decoder ring in the conviction that he will soon understand the important and top-secret radio messages that accompany her radio show. Small, blond, bespecled and adorably devious when necessary, Ralphie is childhood nostalgia all wrapped up in a little bunny suit.

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Clarence Odbody

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 02:26 (A review of Clarence Odbody)

Film: [Link removed - login to see]

Played by: Henry Travers (left)

Distinguishing features: Genial manner; old-fashioned clothes; occasional appearance as small star or twinkle of light.

Typical line: “Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?”

What to give him for Christmas: Wings. It’s all he ever talks about

You know what’s not Christmassy? Trying to top yourself on Christmas Eve and leave your family to face disgrace and poverty. So George Bailey isn’t sufficiently Christmassy for this list, giving way to the optimistic and rather sweet Clarence, an angel-in-training who figures out the perfect way to get our George back on the straight and narrow, at some risk to his own afterlife. First Clarence throws himself off a bridge, forcing the suicidal George to put aside his own plans and leap to the stranger’s aid, and then he gives George a glimpse of a world where he’d never existed and puts his problems in perspective. Job done. No wonder bells are soon ringing and Clarence is soon winging about. We assume.

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Gonzo

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 02:21 (A review of The Great Gonzo)

Film: [Link removed - login to see]

Played by: The Great Gonzo (Dave Goelz)

Distinguishing features: 19th century attire, including top hat; large blue nose; uncertain ethnic origin. Indeed, uncertain planetary origin.

Typical line: “I told you, storytellers are omniscient; I know everything!”

What to give him for Christmas: A cannon. Let’s face it, he’s more naturally suited to being fired from cannons.

When you are trying to cast Charles Dickens, titan of English literature and enthusiastic writer of Christmas-set stories, you naturally need an actor with gravitas, with a bold personality and with immense personal appeal to communicate Dickens’ genius and huge personality. Who else, then, than The Great Gonzo, a performer so committed that he regularly fires himself out of cannons with only the most minimal of safety equipment and who engages in groundbreaking live work like eating a rubber tyre to the tune of Flight Of The Bumblebee? What’s that? Simon Callow? Don’t be silly: he’s not even blue. In any case, Gonzo’s performance in The Muppet Christmas Carol is his most restrained and literate ever, just proving that he was the right muppet for the job, and his comic double-act with Rizzo the Rat a constant delight.

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Jack Skellington

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 02:16 (A review of Jack Skellington)

Film: [Link removed - login to see]

Played by: (voice) Chris Sarandon & Danny Elfman (singing)

Distinguishing features: Extremely elongated limbs; giant skull head; penchant for pinstripes and Goth accessories; often to be seen with a ghost dog, and we don’t mean the Way of the Samurai type.

Typical line: “You know, I think this Christmas thing is not as tricky as it seems! But why should they have all the fun? It should belong to anyone! Not anyone, in fact, but me!”

What to give him for Christmas: Some really long, really skinny pyjamas with little bats on.

Let’s face it: Jack Skellington was born to celebrate Halloween rather than Christmas. That face was surely never meant to eat mince pies or sing carols. And yet here we are, in a world where he’s one of the most popular Christmas characters out there. As the Halloween Town denizen who discovers the magic of Christmas, you can’t fault his delight in the season nor his determination to share it with his neighbours. Admittedly, you *can *fault his decision to kidnap Santa, and his failure to rein in said neighbours when they proceed to unleash hell under a million Christmas trees, but if it’s the thought that counts he’s OK by us.

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Buddy the Elf

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 02:11 (A review of Buddy)

Film: [Link removed - login to see]

Played by: Will Ferrell

Typical line: “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”

What to give him for Christmas: Anything tooth-rotting!

Distinguishing features: Propensity to wear tights, pointy hat; uncanny ability with Christmas decorations; big smile; high levels of dental insurance (we hope)

In terms of enthusiasm, there’s no gainsaying Buddy The Elf’s Christmas spirit; in terms of energy, he makes John Motson look like John Major. He makes Santa Claus look like Scrooge. If baby Jesus had an entertainer at his birthday party, it would be Buddy the Elf folding little balloon shepherds and painting everyone’s faces like archangels. But he’s also a fascinating individual: reared by elves and ol’ Saint Nick himself, he has a unique outlook on life that emphasises all that is best in the world, and in these cynical times that’s to be treasured. His sense of style (heavy on the green-and-red), unique approach to nutrition (heavy on the sugar) and even phone technique (“Hi I’m Buddy, what’s your favourite colour?”) make him an icon for the times – or at least for this time of year.

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42. Luke Cage

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 12:44 (A review of Luke Cage)

First Appearance: Luke Cage, Hero for Hire #1
Best Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Best Artist: Leinil Francis Yu

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53. Nick Fury

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 12:40 (A review of Nick Fury)

First Appearance: Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos #1
Best Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Best Artist: Jim Steranko

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70. Venom

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 06:01 (A review of Venom)

First Appearance: The Amazing Spider-Man #252
Best Writer: David Michelinie
Best Artist: Todd McFarlane

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73. Groo the Wanderer

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 05:50 (A review of Groo the Wanderer)

First Appearance: Destroyer Duck #1
Best Writer & Artist: Sergio Aragonés

Mad Magazine vet Sergio Aragones obliterated the swords and sandals archetype with Groo, a bumbling barbarian who can shake a mean saber but isn’t good at much else. Groo greets massive battles with nothing to rely on except a steady stream of testosterone and his blades. He extends the eccentric idiocy of male comic protagonists not just to Medieval brawlers, but to all violence-prone heroes in the medium. Though he was created in the ‘70s, much of Groo’s chaotic, exaggerated wit seeded a future where characters like The Tick could continue to skew the tights and muscles crowd. — Sean Edgar

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75. Invincible

Posted : 2 years, 5 months ago on 3 August 2022 05:44 (A review of Invincible)

First Appearance: Tech Jacket #1
Best Writer: Robert Kirkman
Best Artist: Ryan Ottley

At his core, Robert Kirkman’s young hero represents an intriguing mix of Peter Parker-meets-Kal-el. The storylines here are seldom predictable, mixing a vast framework of beats established by Marvel and DC over decades in new and astonishing ways. So much happens in the course of any single Invincible arc (betrayals! new brothers! death! more death!) that this comic book bildungsroman avoids anything remotely resembling a status quo, relying on its winsome lead to be the glue behind an aggressively-shifting narrative. But when your character is as pure and likable as Grayson, there isn’t much that could happen to keep you from devouring next month’s chapter to discover how everyone’s favorite hero-in-training will greet his next earth-shaking conflict.

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